Monthly Archives: November 2015 - Page 2

4th Quarter Poll for Week 9! CHI v. SD 2015

FOOTBALLZ CHAT! BEARS VS. CHARGERS!

Live Blog FOOTBALLZ CHAT! BEARS VS. CHARGERS!
 

FOOTBALLZ WEEK 9! BEARS VS. CHARGERS!

town and animal are right, sport and actual existence are SO SO WRONG

town and animal are right, sport and actual existence are SO SO WRONG

vs.

"why did I put this fancy keyboard on my charge card!?!?!?!?"

“why did I put this fancy keyboard on my charge card!?!?!?!?”

Broadway Knights,

GUUUYYYYYZZZZ, we made it! Halfway through the football season! All it’s taken so far was the death of one good website that writes about sports and wilful blindness about Greg Hardy! On balance those seems like meagre things to give up for this game that we love or at least are kind of addicted to watching because regular life is a dark and brutal place filled with horrors both real and imagined and a distraction that allows you to feel and express emotions that you are normally cut off from is something you cannot let go of. The halfway point also give us time to pause and assess the progress, or lack thereof, being made, or not made, by the teams that play, or at least seem like they’re playing, in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE. Let me tell you though for this week’s teams it is for sure more ASS than ESS if you know what I mean (I only kinda know what I mean) because these teams are not good and maybe even are very bad but we’re all going to watch them together so let’s GET TO PREVIEWING!

THE CHICAGO BEARS are in the NFL’s lumpy middle, they have some quality players and some decent coaching but they are a world away from being a Superb Owl contender, this is not a good place to be. Everything about the team is just OK, they have no breakout young players (outside of WR Alshon Jeffery, who seems to be injured constantly) and while they did well in last offseason’s free agency (Pernell McPhee has looked good) none of the guys they picked up “move the needle” as a regular sports reporter person might say. They’re also tethered to the sometimes talented but always never vaccinating his kids QB, Jay Cutler. Cutler is fine, if I had a decent team with quarterback issues (say, the Bills, or the Jags, or the Browns, or the Jets, or probably some other team that I’m forgetting because they decided to do road work on my block at 8am this morning) I’d snap him up in a heartbeat, but he isn’t the guy to elevate the play of the team around him. He is complementary and somehow that isn’t a compliment. GET BETTER OR GET WORSE BEARS BECAUSE RIGHT NOW YOU’RE JUST BORING.

THE SAN DIEGO CHARGERS are a team that we’ve seen already this season and man they were not great. I am for real bummed that we have to watch them again, why can’t we see some other crappy team. I haven’t seen the Buccaneers or the Browns or the Bengals or Jaguars and they’re all at least interesting and in some cases even good (BENGALS!), so why do we have to sit through another Soon to be Former San Diego Chargers football game? Sure Philip Rivers is involved so we might see another one of these but hoping for that is like trying to wish a rainbow, you know what I mean (I don’t totally know what that means)? Well, we’ll watch them TONIGHT! AT 8:30PM! AND WE’LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT! BECAUSE THAT’S KIND OF WHAT THIS WHOLE THING IS ALL ABOUT! BUT HOPEFULLY YOU KNOW THAT ALREADY! I MEAN IF YOU DIDN’T HOW THE HECK DID YOU GET HERE? IS MY SEO STRATEGY FINALLY WORKING? DID YOU GOOGLE “HOW TO MAKE A MILLION DOLLARS WITH JUST YOUR BALLS” AND GET THIS PAGE? YESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!! IT WORKKKKSSSSSSSS! ANYWAY! ME! AND MAC! AND CHRIS! AND SPECIAL GUESTS FROM THE FANTASY FOOTBALL COMEDY HOUR! WE’LL ALL BE ON THE MICS! POLLINATING YOU FLOWER EARS WITH OUR HONEY BEE BUTT MOUTHS! THAT’S HOW THAT WORKS RIGHT? I FEEL LIKE THE WORD STAMEN SHOULD BE IN THERE SOMEPLACE! WHATEVER! FOOTBALLZ! TONIGHT! 8:30PM! HERE OR VIA THECLASSICAL.ORG! LISSSTTTEEENNNNNNNNN!

 

BEST OF FOOTBALLZ PODCAST FOR WEEK 8! ACTIVATE EARS!

This week’s best of podcast is available for listening! Subscribe/rate/review on itunes here. This week, Mac and TD talk about all sorts of nonsense like Star Wars monsters, Harry Potter toilets, cornbread, and, as always, a little bit about football. LISTEN IN!

4th Quarter Poll for Week 8! IND v. CAR 2015

Live Chat for Week 8 !

Live Blog FOOTBALLZ WEEK 8 CHAT! PANTHERS V. COLTS
 

FOOTBALLZ WEEK 8! PATHERS VS. COLTS!

LOOK YOU WANTED ME TO HELP YOU MOVE LET ME WEAR MY MOVING OUTFIT!

LOOK YOU WANTED ME TO HELP YOU MOVE LET ME WEAR MY MOVING OUTFIT!

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this is a person who's podcast is a lot more popular than ours, maybe we should dress more like this

this is a person who’s podcast is a lot more popular than ours, maybe we should dress more like him

Mice Elves,

WHAT A WEEKEND OF FOOTBALL! Did you see that Giants/Saints game, HOLY CRAP! DID YOU ALSO SEE THIS? Or this? Or this? Or this? WHAT A WEEKEND to question whether or not you should really like football anymore. I understand that in the our society every pleasure comes with some sort of self delusion about the pain that has gone into that experience. Nice clothes often come from underpaid workers, good food is often at the expense of suffering animals, smartphones use conflict minerals, in most of these cases there is some obfuscation of the pain that goes into creating pleasure, not in football though. We get to watch the horrors of injury over and over and over again, the announcer goes into hushed tones and talks about prayers and whatnot but then it’s time for a Game Break and let’s go to Terry back in the studio to update us on the Jets-Raiders. I got close to straight up crying while Ricardo Lockett was lying on the field motionless for what seemed like forever (I was pretty hungover so I was EMOTIONAL already), sometimes liking the most popular thing in America is tough. WE’RE STILL DOING THIS THOUGH, BECAUSE OF THE WHOLE LAUGH TO KEEP FROM CRYING STUFF, so let’s preview tonight’s teams.

THE CAROLINA PANTHERS are possessors of an undefeated record and also the NFL’s worst team hashtag #keeppounding. SERIOUSLY THEIR TEAM HASHTAG IS #KEEPPOUNDING! For real, there has to be some social media intern who came up with this who can’t believe that Jim in marketing let this one slip by. I mean at least it isn’t like #fucksomethingreallyhard or #royalassramming or something but jeez, people use this hashtag and attach photos of their kids. HOW IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THIS? I know the initial use of the slogan comes from some inspirational stuff and football fans can be generally a little dim when it comes to jokes but SERIOUSLY THEY USE THIS HASHTAG ALL THE FUCKING TIME. This may be the only thing I talk about all show, I’ll probably also talk about Cam Newton trying to make yogurt seem cool (sorry Cam, nobody looks good eating yogurt out of a plastic cup) BUT MOSTLY IT’S GOING TO BE THE #KEEPPOUNDING THING.

THE INDIANAPOLIS COLTS are having a bad season, the problems we talked about waaaaaaay back in week 2 have not dissipated and now there’s all sorts of reports (SORTS OF REPORTS) about conflict behind the scenes with the team and maybe they’re faking their injury reports or something? YEEEEESSSHHHHH, this team sounds like it is NO FUN to be a part of, unless you own the team and can basically get away with being a real dick to people. Their on the field record is also not super good right now, they’re 3-4, but because they play in the adrift at sea flaming garbage barge that is the AFC South they’re in first place. JUST LIKE WE ARE! WE ARE IN FIRST PLACE OF THE ONE THING THAT WE DO! YOU KNOW! THE THING THAT I HAVE A REALLY HARD TIME EXPLAINING TO PEOPLE WHEN THEY ASK WHAT I DO! WE’RE IN FIRST PLACE OF THAT! AND TONIGHT! AT 8:30! WE’LL HAVE ANOTHER CHANCE TO CEMENT THAT FIRST PLACENESS! WITH ANOTHER BROADCAST! THIS TIME IT’LL BE SUPER OLD SCHOOL ORIGINAL RECIPE FOOTBALLZ! WITH ME AND MAC AND THAT’S IT! YOU’LL LISTEN! YOU’LL LAUGH! YOU’LL TELL YOUR FRIENDS! MAYBE EVEN YOU’LL WIN A PATCH! BUT YOU WON’T KNOW UNLESS YOU LISTEN! TONIGHT! AT 8:30! HERE OR AT THECLASSICAL.ORG! FOOOOOOTTTTBBBBBAAAALLLLLZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!