Monthly Archives: July 2013

FOOTBALLZ OFFSEASON PREVIEWZ- THE NFC WEST

hands of fate

the tinniest hands

Hey Dogz Keepin Cool (or DKCs for short),

Sorry (again) for the delay in this final preview for an offseason that is pretty much over, LOOK IT HAS BEEN SUMMER AND I HAVE BEEN EITHER TOO SWEATY TO WORK ANYTHING ELECTRONIC OR TRYING TO GET LESS SWEATY. JEEZ, the two of you that read this need to GET OFFA MY BACK YOU SPICY MEATBALLS (I’m allowed to talk that way because once I wore a red hat and multiple people mistook me for Mario so in a way I’m like an honorary Italian). WHATEVER, this is totally the final part of this series of links and pictures occasionally supported by text disguised as content SO LET’S GET ON WITH THE BEST DIVISION AND MOST NFC WEST DIVISION.

SAN FRANCISCO FORTY NINERS

FINAL RECORD- 11-4-1, Lost in the Super Bowl

IMAGE/VIDEO STAND-IN FOR A SEASON IN REVIEW:

This is a Jim Harbaugh freakout gif there are many like it but this is the one from the Super Bowl

Chosen from an unending list of Harbaugh freakout gifs

OFFSEASON NEEDS:

Better taste in programs to be in the studio audience for

BEST GIFT TO GIVE TO YOUR LEAST FAVORITE NINERS FAN:

NEVER FORGET, YOU WERE TERRIBLE SO RECENTLY

SEATTLE SEAHAWKS

FINAL RECORD- 11-5, Lost in the Divisional Round

IMAGE/VIDEO STAND-IN FOR A SEASON IN REVIEW:

ALL HAIL THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MAN IN THE WORLD

OFFSEASON NEEDS:

MY MAJESTIC SEAHAWKS NEED FOR NOTHING, but it was nice that they picked up an extra cornerback

BEST GIFT TO GIVE TO YOUR LEAST FAVORITE SEAHAWKS FAN:

SEAHAWK FANS NEED NO GIFTS FOR THEY HAVE THE BEST TEAM AND THAT IN AND OF ITSELF IS THE GREATEST GIFT OF ALL (this is pretty terrible though).

ST LOUIS RAMS

FINAL RECORD- 7-8-1, third in the NFC WEST

IMAGE/VIDEO STAND-IN FOR A SEASON IN REVIEW:

When people were excited about your kicker you know it was a rough season

OFFSEASON NEEDS:

I dunno, these guys are boring, more head hair products for Jeff Fisher mullet/mustache combo I guess?

BEST GIFT FO YOUR LEAST FAVORITE RAMS FAN:

A mousepad is always the worst gift

ARIZONA CARDINALS

FINAL RECORD- 5-11, Fourth in the NFC WEST

IMAGE/VIDEO STAND-IN FOR A SEASON IN REVIEW:

all bad, all sad, all of the time, these are the quarterbacks of the 2012 Arizona Cardinals

OFFSEASON NEEDS:

I mean, duh

BEST GIFT TO GIVE TO YOUR LEAST FAVORITE CARDINALS FAN:

I MEAN, DUH

WELL THAT’S IT BONERS! THE OFFSEASON HAS BEEN THOROUGHLY PREVIEWED! We’re going to take a week or so off to set up things for the upcoming season and hopefully have BIG NEWS about this year. KEEP YOUR EYES ON THIS SPACE, both of you.