Monthly Archives: October 2012

In Honor of Halloween…



Eli Manning Looking at Things


sorry buddies

Due to Roger Goodell’s weather machine ruining the eastern seaboard there will be no FOOTBALLZ tonight! Please feel free to impersonate Mac and TD while watching MNF on your own.




SO IT IS UPON US, the return of FOOBALLZ LIVE is imminent and obviously it is a crime against nature because you know this. WE PERSEVERE, THERE IS NO WEATHER EVENT THAT CAN STOP US, we are like the post office but with better outfits and we would totally make sure your mail got to your new address that you turned in your forwarding form for two weeks before you moved rather than making you wait and wonder for a month and probably not get something important in the mail and you would not curse us quietly under your breath every time you came into one of our branches, this is a all dependent on us starting to deliver letters and packages (and probably getting tattoos like this) and having offices and whatnot but we don’t so we just mean that this thing is still happening tonight. DO YOU WANT SPECIFIC INFORMATION FOR TONIGHT? THAT IS RHETORICAL, HERE IS THE PLACE WITH SPECIFICS. This evening will be great, you should come to our football ark.

THE GAME ITSELF, just might be another stinker, the 49ers are good and the Cardinals might have fooled people for the early part of the season but they are falling into line as the offensive pile of stinky garbage that everyone predicted. The 49ers are coached by a dude that everyone considers to be a jerk and a bully but as everyone says right after they tell you he is a jerk and a bully, he gets them to win games. They still have a mediocre question mark at quarterback with Alex Smith but they have surrounded him with a lot of weapons and their defense is top notch. The Cardinals had everybody wearing their holy crap hats as they started the season 4-0 but have fallen down to earth (as have the sale of holy crap hats) and sit at 4-3. They also have a pretty good defense but their offense has more than a question mark at quarterback, they have at least an interrobang if not an irony punctuation. Their season started with John “the human” Skelton under center but after a week one injury they turned the reins over to Kevin “can you believe they traded that much for me or that they are paying me so much also have you seen my super cool beard” Kolb but now the Skelton returns so they have some quarterback continuity problems (other than the continuing problem of wasting the talents of one of the best talents in football, WR Larry Fitzgerald). SO TONIGHT! LIVE AND PERSON! BUT STILL ON THE INTERNET! WE RETURN! SORRY FOR THE BREVITY OF THIS PREVIEW! WE WERE ESCAPING A HURRICANE YESTERDAY! ALSO STILL HAVE TO GO TO WORK TODAY DESPITE THIS! BUT DON’T LET THAT STOP YOU FROM JOINING US TONIGHT! COME ABOARD OUR FOOTBALLZ PLEASURE SHIP! THERE WILL BE LIVE MUSIC! AND LIVE HEAD SHAVING! AND OUR LIVING FACES FOR YOU TO SAY WHATEVER YOU WANT TO! MIDDLESEX LOUNGE! GET THERE BEFORE 8:30PM! STILL LISTEN AT FOOTBALLZ.ORG!



4th Quarter Poll for Week 7! Lions vs. Bears.

Lions v Bears Live Chat!



WWWWWWWEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKK SEVEN (look, if you are a certain kind of nerd then you had a TMBG phase and I am more than willing to admit that I most of the mini-songs in Fingertips but please, PLEASE, do not let this make you think that I like or am like TMBG super fan and holder of most annoying/annoyingly voiced This American Life contributor (sorry Sedaris!) Sarah Vowell (that entire thing is from my new website, things white people actually don’t like that are related to things white people like))! We are just about half way through this season and while some things are forming just as we expected (sorry Browns fans, again), there are still a few things that are a bit confounding. Tonight’s match up bring together two teams who still have people scratching their heads a little bit (and not because of lice, I don’t know where that rumor started that watching either of these teams gives you lice, I need to stop reading this dude’s sports blog) The Detroit Lions and the Chicago Bears.

The Lions have some off the field discipline problems over the last couple of years (on the field ones too) but their successes last year tended to paper over these peccadilloes (I PLAY ONLINE SCRABBLE) but this year they are, uh, not doing so good. They limp into tonight’s game with a 2-3 record and they have problems with the back ends of both their offense and defense (but not on Calvin Johnson apparently). The Detroit secondary is in tatters right now and their running game is not much better so they rely on the we-are-still-not-sure-if-he-is-good-but-we-are-sure-he-has-a-weird-fat-face Matt Stafford hooking up (not in that way) with aforementioned hot butt having Calvin Johnson (aka Megatron (just a side note, the new Megatron looks super gross, grosser than Megan Fox’s thumb (Megan Fox, sorry to harp on what I’m sure has been a trying time of people making fun of your thumbs))). One hopes they can turn it around soon (or maybe not, if they continue to stink do you think someone might sell me their version of this awesome jacket? If so, TANK IT LIONS, DETROIT ONLY NEEDS ONE GOOD SPORTS TEAM AT A TIME) or else maybe coach Jim Schwartz will have to just yell at the side of people’s heads in the street rather than in a huge stadium in front of tv cameras.

The Bears have been smokin good this season (yes, we used that joke the last time they played but c’mon you wanted to check up on it too) but are also a bit enigmatic (not like this but man I wish it was like that (YES TWO ENIGMA REFERENCES THIS YEAR! I OFFICIALLY RETIRE! (NOT REALLY))). They are a solid 4-1 but their wins have not come against the best competition, they beat a rookie quarterback in his first game and three last place teams (plus their only dominant win was against the garbage fire that is the Jacksonville Jaguars (their garbage fire is so bad that it is a garbage fire made up only synthetic dirty baby diapers)), so I am a bit skeptical (kind of like this dude about the moon landings, look I know, two links to one video in the same email but you should check it out, it is pretty crazy and it will remind you how scary that movie was and both of those things are good and what the hell else are you doing?). WELL TONIGHT! THE PROOF WILL BE IN THE PUDDING! BUT HOPEFULLY NOT MINE! AS IF IT WAS I WOULD HAVE THAT HORRIBLE FEELING OF EATING SOMETHING SOFT AND THEN COMING ACROSS SOMETHING NOT SOFT IN IT! THAT OF COURSE ASSUMES THAT THE PROFF IS A HARD TRUTH! I AM GETTING DEEP INTO SOME MIXED METAPHOR ACTION! ALSO TONIGHT WE WILL HAVE AN INTERVIEW WITH KEXP’s LARRY MIZELL JR.! AND WE ARE A WEEK UNTIL OUR LIVE SHOW! SO MANY THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO! TONIGHT! 8:30PM! FOOTBALLZ.ORG!


The Footballz Team

Throw like a Girl!

The past couple columns have had starch and cheese in common. It seems like pizza is the obvious next step in rounding out the core football food trilogy of nachos, lasagna, and pizza. Probably not nacho pizza though, which is all too common on the internet (here, here, and here). Or mexican pizza lasanga. Or chocolate nacho pizza. Ugh. Who makes these things? A lot of it looks just disgusting, and the rest pointless.

But pizza itself is a perfect football food. Everyone likes it, unless they have been hit by the increasingly popular gluten and/or lactose intolerant bug. Toppings can vary person to person, so people don’t have to fully agree on what things taste good. It doesn’t require silverware. You don’t really even have to look at it while you eat, so football can have full focus. See, all these people in this stock photo are quite successful at eating without paying attention. And they are clearly enjoying themselves.

Other advantages of pizza for football – you can have it all ready to go in advance and eat throughout. Or you can have everything ready to go but let people throw on toppings at half time and the food will be done before the end of half time. It’s also good as it gets to room temperature, so it’s okay if people are slow. Finally, it’s fun to watch people try to toss the dough. It’s actually even fun to watch people put toppings on their uncooked pizza. It’s amazing how many people find even that intimidating, even if the dough is made and the toppings are prepped and on display in matching bowls.

Let’s go through this layer by layer:

The dough:

  • Some people buy their dough from the supermarket. The pizza place across the street from my apartment also sells dough, in case that’s convenient for you. But it’s better to make your own dough. I make one recipe, recommended by my friend Nick. He came over to my house once when I had nothing around and he decided to make a delicous apple pie. Another time and another similarly bare cupboard led to turkey stroganoff. These experiences have led me to trust his cooking judgement, and it’s certainly served me well for dough. The recipe is Peter Reinhart’s Napoleon Pizza Dough. I amend according to Nick’s comment: “Contrary to the directions, I activate the yeast in a little bit of warm water then add this mixture together with cold water to the dry ingredients. I let the dough rise once for 45 minutes to an hour and a half (after covering the dough with a little olive oil).” Thank you Nick.

The sauce:

  • One of the things that I have learned by cooking on my own is that all tomato sauce from a store is a rip off. (How much sauce is worth $1,000?). Just let a few ingredients simmer for a while on a stove and you’re all set:
    • tomato paste + water OR diced tomatoes OR your favorite type of boxed/canned tomatoes
    • olive oil
    • fresh basil if available, some dried basil if not
    • minced garlic
    • crushed red pepper

    Always yummy. Works as pasta sauce too, just don’t let it get quite as thick and add some oregano or other fresh herbs.

The toppings:

  • You shouldn’t need help here. What do you like on pizza? Lots of cheese, ricotta is great. Caramelized onions (see the original column to see how to do this). Pine nuts are yummy. Eggplant can be great. I haven’t made but have eaten pizza with butternut squash on it and it was scrumptious. There’s always the classic mushrooms or bell peppers. The main thing really is too not put too many toppings on a single pizza, tempting as it may be. Listen to the LA Times, especially because they listen to Peter Reinhart and we’ve already established he knows his pizza stuff.

Bring it all together:

  • Combine it so it looks like pizza, put it on a cookie sheet (I assume if you have a pizza stone you haven’t bothered to read this far) with a bunch of cornmeal, and cook it at 450 for about 10 minutes. Or if you want a recipe, let’s think fancy (!). Just like there’s lasagna without red sauce, there’s pizza without tomato sauce. White pizza comes in lots of forms, but this is a go to in my house: Potato Pizza.


Footballz Show for Week 6. Broncos vs. Chargers.


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2nd HALF

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4th Quarter Poll for Broncos vs. Chargers!!!