Sorry Jets fans, this is your season


When I think about the Titans, this is what appears above and in my head


THE TEARS! OH THE TEARS! We know, you are weeping openly at the thought of another FOOTBALLZ season coming to an end, we will allow you to print out this email and use it to sop up the torrent of tears streaming from your sad sad eyes (you totally look like this (also you painted that too)). Do not cry too much, you must celebrate! Celebrate another year of us talking! Another year of interpersonal conflict about a sport that might be killing its participants! Another year of ha ha and gufaw with your pals on and off the air (your pals)! Celebrate with this final game that will be TOTALLY GARBAGE!

THIS FINAL WEEK we get to see a couple of crappy teams playing out the string (don’t lose hope Jets fans), the New York Jets travel to Tennessee to face the home town Titans and it may very well stink like super garbage. The Jets (minus their most insufferable fan) have had, um, some troubles this year, they are a few too many to name but are best represented by this video. They are probably playing this game (and the rest of the ones this season) for the jobs of GM Mike Tannenbaum and Coach Rex Ryan as well as embattled QB Mark Sanchez (they’ll all be going on a date here after the season anyway). They are, in a word, bleak. They play the equally lame but less interesting Titans, in fact, the Titans might be the boringest team. I don’t know what it is, in my mind they are just a blank, maybe it is their blah uniforms, or their fake looking helmets (what is that, a railroad spike in a comet? a thumbtack shot out of a cannon?), or their recent roll of mediocrity? Whatever, they are playing this game and we will figure out something to say about them. TONIGHT! WE WILL TALK FOR THREE HOURS ONE MORE TIME! WITH THE RETURN OF GUEST PRODUCER CHRIS BRAIOTTA! POSSIBLY OTHER GUESTS! AND NO INTERVIEW! SORRY! TD GOT STUCK OPENING A NEW RESTAURANT! NOT THAT HE OWNS! IF HE OWNED ONE HIS INTERVIEW ONE OF THESE DICKS OR SOMETHING! AND FOOTBALLZ WOULD BE ALL ABOUT DRIZZLING SOME BULLSHIT ON SOME OTHER THING THAT GOT PULLED OUT OF AN ANIMAL THIS MORNING WITH FRESH FENNEL IN ITS DICK! INSTEAD HE JUST TOOK LOTS OF STUFF OUT OF BOXES! AND HE COULD NOT INTERVIEW THE BOXES! THOSE INTERVIEWS WOULD HAVE BEEN SUPER BORING! OR SUPER WEIRD! BUT NOT IN AWAY THAT WAS THE “COOL” TIM AND ERIC WEIRD! MORE LIKE MAYBE TD SHOULDN’T BE ALLOWED OUTSIDE WEIRD! AND NOBODY WANTS THAT! SO! INSTEAD! FOOTBALLZ WILL BE ABOUT FOOTBALL! IN AS MUCH AS IT IS ABOUT FOOTBALL EVERY TIME! TAKE ONE LAST RIDE WITH US ON THAT DRAGON! STRAIGHT DOWN TO HELL! FOOTBALLZ.ORG! 8:30PM!



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