Maybe I was wrong and the DC mascot is just a bunch of hives?


I know far too many words from this record


GUYS I have a problem, my girlfriend lives in New York City and often comes to visit me on weekends at my home in Cambridge. These visits are welcome and awesome but she usually leaves around 6pm or so on Sundays and I am left at home dejected. This sadness combines with the fact that we probably ate lunch hours ago  to make me hungry and sad and that leads me to foodler.com and that leads me to too much indian food and that I feel has hampered this year’s game previews AND THAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW! I should be bursting with ideas, this game features the just-waking-from-their-annual-November-slumber New York Giants and the most electrifying player in the NFL, Redskins rookie quarterback Robert Griffin III but instead I’m just bursting with Chicken Tikka Massala and shame. I WILL SOLDIER ON THOUGH (even though I feel like this dude (that is safe for work but is GUH-ROSE)) and tell you all about Monday’s game.

THE WASHINGTON REDSKINS used to stink and have a super racist name, they still have a super racist name (I know I beat the drum about this every time they’re on MNF but FOR REAL this is still total crap. This team plays in the nation’s capitol of a nation that was built on the blood of Native Americans and they have the temerity to keep the most straight up racist name in sports and that name is racist again said Native Americans? JJJJJJJJJJJJJEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ) but now there is hope for their non stinking, that hope is THE BLACK JESUS. Subway spokesman (that video is horrifying) Robert Griffin III is possibly the most exciting player to come into the NFL for some time and will almost certainly be rookie of the year. Though Mike Shanahan still looks like he has been under a heat lamp a little long he finally has some players to build around and despite his thoughts about next year, his team of players who probably hate him have an outside shot at the playoffs. That outside shot requires them to take tonight’s game against their rivals (and Shanahan’s rival in  scary red faceness) Tom Coughlin and the New York Giants.

THOSE NEW YORK GIANTS are still Super Bowl Champions and still in first place in the NFC East (and still annoying wieners in weird grey pants) and they are at their most dangerous once the calendar flips to December. Why is this? Is Eli Manning fueled by the terrible candies in advent calendars (they are the worst)? Does Justin Tuck’s crazy facemask need some frost on it before it releases it’s probably satanic powers? Is Victor Cruz ineffective till he gets his Tropical Fantasia record comes in the mail? All I knows (yeah, we keep it real with bad grammar) is that these jerks stink all through November (maybe they are concentrating on growing mustaches?) and then suddenly look unstoppable just in time for the playoffs, ugh. They will probably use this game as the start of the winning streak that will land them back in the Super Bowl and we’ll have to look at this dumb face more than we ever wanted. BUT TONIGHT! YOU WILL ONLY GAZE ON OUR BEAUTIFUL VOICES WITH YOUR EARS! IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT THAT ALMOST MAKES SENSE! AND OUR HALFTIME INTERVIEW IS WITH… MY DAD! HE WILL TELL YOU SLIGHTLY EMBARRASSING STORIES ABOUT ME THAT I WILL SWEAR ARE ABOUT MY BROTHER! PLUS POSSIBLE STUDIO GUESTS! AND SPECIAL GUEST PRODUCER CHRIS BRAIOTTA! HE WILL TWIDDLE THE KNOBS! OH HOW HE WILL TWIDDLE THE KNOBS! AND WE WILL TWIDDLE OUR MOUTHS (SUPER GROSS) ALL ABOUT THIS CRAZY FOOTBALL GAME! AND YOU WILL LISTEN! YOU MUST LISTEN! 8:30PM! FOOTBALLZ.ORG!


The Footballz Team

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