I’m only slightly aware of what this is but I am fully aware of how it is super gross.


sometimes the easy classics are the best


HAPPY THANKSGIVING DORKS! I spent to bulk of the weekend housesitting for Producer Emeritus Ken and now I see the video game I played at his house all weekend when I sleep! WHAT A HOLIDAY! ANYWAY, imagine you had a friend who told you  months ago that the Thanksgiving meal they were going to serve you at their house might be the best meal you’ll ever have. Then in the interim, they made you lunch and it wasn’t super good, then they brought soup to a party (which was of course an awesome soup party) and it was pretty terrible, and then you heard that their oven was broken and that they were cooking the entire meal in a microwave, that is what this game (and I guess the bulk of the ESPN schedule) is like. Two teams who had high hopes that they have subsequently watched fall in the toilet like so many little kids with cameras and kittens and toilets. THE PHILADELPHIA EAGLES and THE CAROLINA PANTHERS are captains of crapitude and we will watch as their season circle the drain TOGETHER, LIKE A FAMILY.

WHEN WE LAST SAW THE EAGLES ON A PREVIOUS EDITION OF FOOTBALLZ Marcus Vick went off on twitter while Andy Reid was bullfroging his was through a loss to the Saints and people were calling for his job AND NOW? Now the Eagles are worse and people are wondering if Reid should just step down, in the in-between the artist formally known as Ron Mexico /dog killer/man who served his debt to society/current dog owner Michael Vick has gone down with a concussion, as has star running back/apparent owner of a NFL shield piece LeSean McCoy, and every dumb Eagles fan’s favorite Nick Foles has taken the reins of the offense with predictable results. The Eagles are not so good right now and I am sorry we all have to watch them, we will try not to mention them too much in the broadcast which will be tough since they will be on the field THE WHOLE TIME.

THE CAROLINA PANTHERS have also been a let down, Cam Newton has regressed after an excellent rookie season and has apparently had some attitude problems which has landed him in hot water (on which I call bullshit, his attitude has not been GMing the team into the dumpster, he’d probably have a better attitude if he didn’t have to play with such shitty players), it is possible that he has been distracted by all the baking he’s been doing. Their coach Ron Rivera has been, um, not so great (except in his General Adama look alike entry, THAT he wins. In fact if only wins could be obtained by looking the most like Battlestar Galactica characters then the Panthers wold be second only to Bill Belichick (by that I mean he is secretly a robot who enjoys killing people in his spare time and that he looks like that under his hoodie and fake face) and the Pats) and their $89 million backfield of Jonathan Stewart, DeAngelo Williams, and Mike Tolbert have looked more like Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz (actor version), 2008 D’Angelo, and Georgia Tech’s Regent Professor Laren Tolbert (not in the sense of being a professor, like if that dude played football I mean, he is probably a very good professor (he is!)). The Panthers at least will have another year of high draft picks to build around Cam with, oh right that dumpster thing. WE WILL WATCH THOUGH! WE ALWAYS WATCH! UNLESS WE ARE CLOING OUR EYES! THEN ALL WE SEE IS THE VIDEO GAME WE SPENT ALMOST TWO ENTIRE STRAIGHT DAYS PLAYING! YOU SHOULD NOT DO THAT! YOU END UP LOOKING LIKE THIS (I did not look like that, no headset! (I do not understand the appeal of going online and getting insulted by twelve year olds, also I feel like what is said in the weird talking to other people during video games world is only outstripped by youtube comments as the lowest form of communication))! EVEN IN THE DARKEST MOMENTS OF SPORTS GARBAGNESS! WE ARE THERE TO GUIDE YOU! GUIDE YOU TO A BETTER OR AT LEAST A DIFFERENT FUTURE! PROBABLY ONE WHERE YOU STILL HAVE TO GO WORK ON TUESDAY! BUT YOU WILL HAVE STAYED UP LATE LISTENING TO US! SO YOU WILL PROBABLY BE MORE TIRED! SEE! DIFFERENT! TONIGHT! 8:30PM! FOOTBALLZ.ORG!



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