Flea Flicker Vol. III: Fist Drive

The following is an excerpt from what I think might be my very first foray into sportswriting – a wrap-up of the Super Bowl published in a newsletter I started with my friends in fourth grade. It was called The Fanger Chronicle and was named after our teacher, Mrs. Fanger.

Not sure if all of this report is factually accurate or not, so don’t go running back in time to place bets using just The Fanger Chronicle. I do believe this was the game that featured Diet Coke’s Be Bop Bamboozled 3D halftime show. Please don’t confuse the typos here with average, regularly-occurring typos. Paragraph breaks inserted for your reading convenience, because otherwise the thing is one big long block of text just like Jack Kerouac used to do…

The Super Bowl
By Matt Parish

It was January second in Jo Robbie Stadium. The two teams were the Bengles and the 49ers. Today was the Super Bowl.

First, they had the coin toss, won by the 9ers. Then came the opening kickoff. When the 49ers caught the ball – only to be tackled. On their fist drive down the field they got about 45 yards away from the fieldgoal and went for the goal. But the missed it. So the Bengles got their first chance for a touchdown. But, they only ended off on defense in the next 10 minutes. Then it was the 49ers turn again. When they got in field goal range they tried – and got. The score was 3-0. But that lead wouldn’t be a lead for long. When the Bengles got the ball and then when they got in field goal range they went for the field goal and, of course, got it.

So when the 49ers got to recieve another kickoff. But this time they didn’t score. But te Bengles did lose one of their best defensive dudes. When the Bengles got the ball they scored a fiels goal, making the score 6-3. When the 49ers recieved the ball they didn’t want to be behind, ’cause when they got the ball they went to the end of the field and, you’ve probably guess by now, they got a field goal. That made the Bengles mad. When Stanford Jennings caught the ball on the kickoff, he ran 93¬†yards for a touch down.

Now, the 49ers were really in trouble. The score was 13-6. When the 49ers recieved, they didn’t score. But still, when the Bengles recieved the kickoff, the got, yet, another field goal. But then, finally, when the 49ers got the ball, on the 2nd down J. Rice was out by the sidelines, Joe Montana had just gotten the snap. The Joe saw Jerry and passed. Jerry got the ball and got tacled by a Bengle. But when he was going down he held the ball over the endzone and that counts as a touchdown.

By then the clock was running low. The Bengles reieved the ball and did nothing with it. Then the 49ers got the ball and went abou 48 yards from the touch and tried to make a field goal, but it didn’t go in. Then clock was now at 1:35 sec. The Bengles got the ball and they tried their best, but, couldn’t make it. The 49ers got the ball and they tried their best, and it paid off. On their 3rd down the 49ers made a touchdown. Then they kicked off. The bengles had 35 seconds to get touch down. You might think that it would be a storybook ending but no, the 49ers won it 20-16.

In other news that issue:

SONG-OF-THE-MONTH

This month’s favorite song is Guns & Roses newest song out. It is Paradice City.

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