FOOTBALLZ WEEK SEVEN! LIONS V. BEARS!

SHEEPS IN LADY CLOTHING,

WWWWWWWEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKK SEVEN (look, if you are a certain kind of nerd then you had a TMBG phase and I am more than willing to admit that I most of the mini-songs in Fingertips but please, PLEASE, do not let this make you think that I like or am like TMBG super fan and holder of most annoying/annoyingly voiced This American Life contributor (sorry Sedaris!) Sarah Vowell (that entire thing is from my new website, things white people actually don’t like that are related to things white people like))! We are just about half way through this season and while some things are forming just as we expected (sorry Browns fans, again), there are still a few things that are a bit confounding. Tonight’s match up bring together two teams who still have people scratching their heads a little bit (and not because of lice, I don’t know where that rumor started that watching either of these teams gives you lice, I need to stop reading this dude’s sports blog) The Detroit Lions and the Chicago Bears.

The Lions have some off the field discipline problems over the last couple of years (on the field ones too) but their successes last year tended to paper over these peccadilloes (I PLAY ONLINE SCRABBLE) but this year they are, uh, not doing so good. They limp into tonight’s game with a 2-3 record and they have problems with the back ends of both their offense and defense (but not on Calvin Johnson apparently). The Detroit secondary is in tatters right now and their running game is not much better so they rely on the we-are-still-not-sure-if-he-is-good-but-we-are-sure-he-has-a-weird-fat-face Matt Stafford hooking up (not in that way) with aforementioned hot butt having Calvin Johnson (aka Megatron (just a side note, the new Megatron looks super gross, grosser than Megan Fox’s thumb (Megan Fox, sorry to harp on what I’m sure has been a trying time of people making fun of your thumbs))). One hopes they can turn it around soon (or maybe not, if they continue to stink do you think someone might sell me their version of this awesome jacket? If so, TANK IT LIONS, DETROIT ONLY NEEDS ONE GOOD SPORTS TEAM AT A TIME) or else maybe coach Jim Schwartz will have to just yell at the side of people’s heads in the street rather than in a huge stadium in front of tv cameras.

The Bears have been smokin good this season (yes, we used that joke the last time they played but c’mon you wanted to check up on it too) but are also a bit enigmatic (not like this but man I wish it was like that (YES TWO ENIGMA REFERENCES THIS YEAR! I OFFICIALLY RETIRE! (NOT REALLY))). They are a solid 4-1 but their wins have not come against the best competition, they beat a rookie quarterback in his first game and three last place teams (plus their only dominant win was against the garbage fire that is the Jacksonville Jaguars (their garbage fire is so bad that it is a garbage fire made up only synthetic dirty baby diapers)), so I am a bit skeptical (kind of like this dude about the moon landings, look I know, two links to one video in the same email but you should check it out, it is pretty crazy and it will remind you how scary that movie was and both of those things are good and what the hell else are you doing?). WELL TONIGHT! THE PROOF WILL BE IN THE PUDDING! BUT HOPEFULLY NOT MINE! AS IF IT WAS I WOULD HAVE THAT HORRIBLE FEELING OF EATING SOMETHING SOFT AND THEN COMING ACROSS SOMETHING NOT SOFT IN IT! THAT OF COURSE ASSUMES THAT THE PROFF IS A HARD TRUTH! I AM GETTING DEEP INTO SOME MIXED METAPHOR ACTION! ALSO TONIGHT WE WILL HAVE AN INTERVIEW WITH KEXP’s LARRY MIZELL JR.! AND WE ARE A WEEK UNTIL OUR LIVE SHOW! SO MANY THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO! TONIGHT! 8:30PM! FOOTBALLZ.ORG!

Thanks,

The Footballz Team

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