THE FINAL FOOTBALLZING OF THE SEASON! Saints vs. Falcons vs. booze!

pray for our livers

vs.

Falcon for the new millenium

vs.

let's hope we don't

DRUNKS

YES YOU MAY BEGIN YOUR CEREMONIAL WEEPING, for tonight is the final FOOTBALLZ of the season and what a season it has been. This happened, and this happened, and this happened, and this happened, and this happened a ton of times (but you didn’t hear it right? Cause you were listening to us, right? RIGHT?) AND IT WAS ALL AWESOME. Unfortunately, as all things do, our season must come to an end but we refuse to go out with a whimper (unless it is our hero) NO WE MUST GO OUT WITH A BANG (not in the sexy way you gross outs, we go out like a totally non-sexy explosion that is still awesome (although recently a non-football loving friend asked me what percentage of football plays are homoerotic and I had to say “all of them”, see also)), so to this end we are constructing the first (and possibly last) OFFICIAL FOOTBALLZ DRINKING GAME.

Now you must be aware, we are old dudes and have not played drinking games in some time so this may ruin us completely and the fourth quarter may be just the sounds of giggling/crying/vomiting (we will leave it up to you, loyal listener to guess which one of us will be doing each) so we are being a little conservative with our rules. Bellow are what we have so far, for clarity’s sake a “sip” will always be of beer and a “shot” will be of the most disgusting thing we can find at the liquor store that costs less than $30 before the game (my guess is that it will be this). Feel free to play along:

Any penalty= a sip

Illegal Touching= Finish your beer

Challenge flag= two sips

Overturned call= shot

Field goal= sip

Field goal of 50+ yards= finish your beer

Touchdown= two sips

Touchdown scored on a trick play (flea flicker, reverse, fake field goal/punt)= shot

safety= shot

Referee mic malfunction= sip

Referee mic malfunction that allows a swear to make it on the air= shot

Mike Tirico’s pink highlighter= sip

Jon Gruden gesticulating wildly= sip

Ron Jaworski  visibly upset= sip

Stuart Scott’s walk and talk Sportscenter preview= drink your beer until the segment is done

Feel free to reply with other suggestions or ideas, these rules may change before or during the game.

ALSO THERE IS A GAME, the New Orleans Saints take on the Atlanta Falcons with some important playoff seeding on the line. I kind said all I can about the Saints a few weeks ago, I can add that over the last couple of weeks they have gotten better and are really hitting their stride going into the playoffs and are probably the best bet to derail the Packers locomotive of winning (look at this lady standing next to it). The Falcons are kind of good? Maybe? Their quarterback still has a terrible nickname (and no, we will not be drinking Natty Ice for the game, that would be like choosing sides (mostly against ourselves)) and they are mad boring. BUT WHO CARES! TONIGHT WE BARF OUT PURE JOY! WON’T IT BE AWESOME TO LISTEN TO US RAMBLE AND THIS TIME SLUR OUR WORDS WHILE WE DO SO?! BECAUSE JEEZ, ISN’T IT HILARIOUS WHEN SEMI-FAMOUSE (THAT E IS THERE ON PURPOSE) PEOPLE GET DRUNK AND MAKE YOU PAY TO WATCH IT?! MAYBE YOU WILL GET DRUNK TOO AND HATE YOUR TUESDAY? DON’T WE ALL HAVE TO “WARM UP OUR LIVERS” FOR NEXT WEEK? WE HAVE THE ANSWERS TO NONE OF THESE QUESTIONS! BUT WE WILL HAVE OURSELVES AND YOU AND ALL OF THE FUN OF THE FINAL FOOTBALLZ GAME OF THE YEAR! WHAT SECRETS WILL BE REVEALED? FIND OUT TONIGHT! 8:30PM EASTERN! FOOTBALLZ.ORG!

Comments are closed.