FOOTBALLZ WEEK 13! Stillers vs. Niners

You will see this dude in your nightmares


"dude, when is that rock soup going to be ready? All this hat wearin' is making me HUNGRY!"


Last time we thought we had a good match up on a Monday we were sorely mistaken and for that we apologize (side note, I was watching Sunday’s games in NYC at a sports bar and there are few things better then watching apoplectic Giants fans, it really took the sting out of the terrible yet expensive club sandwich I choked down, GREATEST CITY IN THE WORLD!), but this week we are much more certain that this game will be good. We have two teams who are at the top of the league in the San Francisco 49ers and the Pittsburgh Steelers, playing for important playoff seeding, and all of this on national television, so we can hope that neither of these possible bed poopers do any pooping and we can present a broadcast that we won’t want to take a nap during around the 3rd quarter (granted it might be the insane amount of chinese food consumed before the show that contributes to our eventual somewhat somnambulant state but what do you want us to do before the game, drink these (if you said yes, you are the grossest and are not allowed to listen, however if you suggested this YOU ARE ALLOWED TO BE ON THE SHOW (Chocolate Outrage is actually my nickname for James Harrison but more about him later))). This game should be a real doozy so let’s take a look at our teams.
The Pittsburgh Steelers are one of my least favorite teams in all of sports, it has nothing to do with the city of Pittsburgh which I find to be a beautiful town with crazy awesome sandwiches, no my problem is only with the team that is filled with assholes. Whether is be the cackling all the time dirtiest player in the NFL Hines Ward (I will link endorse these but I feel like you cannot discuss Hines Ward hate without seeing them), the flowing locks of their star safety Troy Polamalu, or any other towel loving turd on this team, they all annoy the shit out of me (PARDON MY FRENCH). Unfortunately for an apparent world wide group of fans (ugh) the Steelers might be without two of their prime dickbags for tonight’s contest. The aforementioned Chocolate Outrage himself, NFL villan, James Harrison is suspended for doing this, so 49ers players won’t have to worry so much about their careers ending tonight. There is also a possibility that quarterback Ben Roethlisberger will be out with an ankle injury, but I wouldn’t get too stressed about it, that guy can come back from anything.

"seriously, I'm only going to kiss you on the cheek, if you do that trick where you turn your head we will NOT have a second date."

On the other side of the ball are the somewhat unknown San Francisco 49ers, who’s most notable moment in their surprising 10-3 campaign has came during a handshake . The Niners, playing in the NFL hinterlands of the NFC West, are gunning for the number two seed in the playoffs and a first round bye and the shoulders of an excellent defense and the decent play of one time bust Alex Smith at QB. They are a bit of a snooze but their gold pants game is pretty tight. Expect a lot of short passes and a steady diet of Frank Gore on offense (gross, right? sorry). BUT WHO CARES! WE ARE EXCITED TO TALK ABOUT IMPORTANT THINGS! LIKE ITS COOL TO JUST TALK ABOUT WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN IN THE LAST BATMAN MOVIE BUT SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO GET INTO SOME HEAVY PHILOSOPHICAL SHIT! THIS GAME IS THE EQUIVALENT OF THAT HEAVY SHIT! WE ARE GOING TO BE ON SOME REAL KIERKEGAARD BUSINESS TONIGHT! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? I KNOW I KANT! HAHA, RIGHT! I TOOK ONE SEMESTER OF THAT BULLSHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTT! SO GET READY JERKWATERS! IMPORT ON DISPLAY! TONIGHT! 8:30PM! FOOTBALLZ.ORG!

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