Week 9 (I think)! Pats vs. Chiefs

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this reference may be a little dated

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this reference should be dated by now

FOOTBALL FARTS!

Pals, jerks, skeezoids, this week was supposed to mean a lot when the schedule makers (who I always picture like this but are probably more like this) were dreaming it up in the NFL’s schedule maker’s dreamatorium. It was supposed to have some meaning, the Chiefs were a surprise team last year with an up and coming defense and a decent offense led by former Patriot (who’s career was due to to the Chiefs hobbling of Tom Brady all those years ago) and you know how much Bill Belichick loves to hold grudges. Unfortunately last year’s Chiefs were a bit of a mirage who’s lack of success has only been compounded by a boatload (and I don’t mean this boat, I mean THIS BOAT) of injuries including last week’s to quarterback Matt Cassel. This game looks to be a bit of a slaughter but that doesn’t mean we can’t talk some serious garbage about both teams anyway, right gang? LET’S GET TO THE GARBAGE.

Lots of changes for the Patriots since we last saw them alllllllllllllll the way back in week one, they ended the Albert Hayensworth experiment (which, with a title like that, should have been more exciting, like couldn’t he be sent back in time of into space or cloned or something? WE NEED BETTER PUBLIC EXPERIMENTS), lost two in a row for the first time, and had Tom Brady cut his hair. Them seem like the same old death by a thousand papercuts pass game that had to drop 30 points on someone to make up for their lackluster defense outside of these changes though. Bill Belichick still helms the team when he isn’t requesting that 11 guys (and their back-ups? Plus their coaches?) felate him. How they were all going to do it is still a mystery, did he want them to try all at once or take turns? Only NFL slash fiction forums know for sure. All right Bill, I’ll shut the fuck up.

Now onto the Chiefs and all their injuries. There was this and then this but for our purposes, let’s talk about this (the Cassel injury, not the video work of MrRUBtheBUDDHA, who’s youtube name probably misleads a lot of people) and what that means for us or TYLER PALKO. Now our good friend/NFL columnist/Starwood Rewards Member Peter King says that he’s a heck of a story to which I reply IT IS a heck of a story IF you are writing a novel about the depressing life of a career mediocre athlete (maybe by a Don Delillo? Or one of the Jonathans?). All I can say is he is a person and this is his face and that face will probably be smashed tonight. YES TONIGHT! FACES WILL BE SMASHED! PEOPLE WILL BE WEARING RED HELMETS! ALSO SILVER ONES! OR MAYBE WHITE! BUT WE CAN TALK ABOUT IT ALL! ALL OF US! TOGETHER! LIEK FRIENDS! OR PEOPLE WHO ARE FORCED TO TALK ABOUT THINGS! LIKE PRISONERS! OR PEOPLE IN A SELF HELP GROUP! BUT IN THE END ARE WE NOT ALL PRISONERS OF OUR OWN DESIRES! SO GIVE IN TONIGHT TO YOUR DESIRE TO HEAR US SAY DUMB THINGS! 8:30PM! FOOTBALLZ.ORG!

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