WEEK we lost count! Packers vs. Vikings

Why yes this image does come from a blog called Modern Viking Monthly

vs.

look at us making a New Yorker reference and everything, sorry the update took so long we were making sure our butler ironed our cravats properly

WEEEEE’RRRREEEE BAAAAAAAACCKKKKKK

Did you miss us? DID YOU REALLY? We’ll know if you’re lying. Where were we the last two weeks you might ask? Were we resting as our pec implants settled? Were we with our secret family in the Netherlands, making fun of soccer in Dutch? Ooooooooooor were we held captive in the floating NFL/ESPN cloud shaped headquarters that floats above New York and mercilessly interrogated by Stuart Scott’s sentient cybernetic eye? WE REALLY DON’T REMEMBER, TALK TO THESE DUDES. AAAAAAAAAaaannnnnnnyyyyywaaaaayyyyyy, we’re back from our sabbatical and break’s over.

So, tonight, ah, yes, um, The Packers (undefeated and very very good) and The Vikings (defeated and goodness questionable) will play a football game. The Packers, as said parenthetically but let me make it official, are very very good, the won the entire super bowl last year and haven’t lost a game since last December. They have a quarterback that stars in my favorite commercial of the season (I think it has to do with seeing that commercial in sports bars with the sound off so many times that made me love it so, maybe it is the perfect mildly erotic synchronization of the man and woman doing the “I Want the Belt” motion, maybe I have lost my mind? STUART SCOTT’S SENTIENT CYBERNETIC EYE, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?!?!?!?!?!?!), our favorite rapping baby at wide receiver (look, we’ll stop making the joke when that video stops being amazing, my only question is WHY ONLY ONE CUT AWAY TO A PRINCE REACTION?), the best hair at the linebacker position the game has ever seen (although jeez, dudes, your faces are advertisements for football helmets), and a host of other great players that make them the biggest threat to repeat as champs for some time. They score a lot of points so we can look forward to that.

Speaking of Prince, you should know he is a big Vikings fan, he goes to games, wrote an amazing song for them a couple of years ago, and has suited up as punter at training camp twice (just kidding). When we finally run Monday Night Football whenever the game is in Minny and he’s in attendance there will be a Prince-cam that online viewers can watch the whole game (and he’ll do the opening theme and perform at halftime of every game and we’ll totally hang out after the game and be best friends and he’ll come to my birthday party even though he is Jehovah’s and doesn’t do that kind of stuff and we’ll even play basketball), be prepared for us to plead with ESPN for this cam tonight. Hopefully he shows up tonight, because this Vikings team is not good. Adrian Peterson is amazing but the rookie quarterback Christian Ponder is probably going to take a year to figure out how to play in the league, so sorry very nice people of the Twin Cities region, I guess you’ll just have to console yourself by looking from Prince at your amazing arts center¬†for another year at least. BUT TONIGHT YOU CAN LISTEN TO US MAKE SO SO SO MUCH FUN OF YOUR TEAM! BUT ALSO THE OTHER TEAM! BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT WE DO! STUART SCOTT’S SENTIENT CYBERNETIC EYE BE DAMNED! OTHE PEOPLE NOT FROM THE TWIN CITIES, YOU CAN LISTEN TOOOOOOOOO! 8:30PM EASTERN! RETURN TO OUR BEAUTIFUL WEBSITE! WWW.FOOTBALLZ.ORG! DO IT!

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