FOOTBALLZ WEEK 15! THE PENULTIMATE FOOTBALLZ! BEARS V. SAINTS!

After a long and tumultuous  season, the Bears are looking to see who will fill the face holes on their costumes next season.

After a long and tumultuous year the Bears are looking to see who will fill the face holes on their costumes next season.

vs.

This is St. Rita of Cascia, the patron saint of impossible dreams, you get it, right?

This is St. Rita of Cascia, the patron saint of impossible dreams, you get it, right?

DOOOOOORRRRKKKKSSSS,

The end of FOOTBALLZ in studio season is here! Tonight will be our last broadcast of the year from our palatial studio compound because next week we have our season finale/holiday party at the fantastic Parlor Sports (you guys are all totally invited). We’ll be saying goodbye to our of our studio pals for the year, expect tears when I say my final goodnight to the Alf statue that I took a picture of that one time. ANYWAY, we won’t be all sappy and sentimental since we have a game between two terrible teams to watch and talk about, SO LET’S START THE TALKING PART NOW.

THE CHICAGO BEARS are reassessing things right now, after last season’s encouraging first year under dude who’s hair still mystifies me Marc Trestman, things have, um, regressed? I don’t know what you call a season that has seen the team pretty much go straight in the crapper and had coaches ratting out and then tearfully apologizing for it to players (anytime a player, anonymous or not, describes a scene in the locker room as “one of the most fucked up things I have ever seen.” you know you’re dealing with some messed up stuff, these dudes have seen super nasty injuries that I will not link to because I’m not a gross monster who wants you guys to throw up while reading this any more than you already do). It kind of seems like one of those seasons that lead to everybody getting fired afterwards, sorry Trestman, you and your weird hair will always have a spot at Percival Molson Stadium but I don’t think they’ll be honoring you at Soldier Field any time soon (or really ever).

THE NEW ORLEANS SAINTS are the second team from the garbage fire that doesn’t even keep you warm NFC South that we get to watch in a row! hgfsoihsfdiooeconcoewfuewufhu, ugh, the sad part is (one of them at least, there are many sad parts to everything always) the Saints were super fun when they were good. Drew Brees seems like a cool dude and even though that weird chant/huddle thing they do before the games is monumentally stupid, they are very rootable for. People also forget that they were victims of Roger Goodell ineptitude before it was cool and that really screwed them when they were still in Super Bowl form, now it seems like the only form that they take is that of a team that might back into the playoffs with a losing record because their division is so crappy that somebody has to win it. The last time an under .500 team made the playoffs though the Saints had a front row seat (seriously, I will use any excuse to link to that video) so maybe they can draw inspiration from that. YOU KNOW WHO NEEDS TO INSPIRATION? US! BECAUSE TONIGHT! WE RIDE INTO THE INTERNET BREACH ONCE MORE! TO DELIVER OUR SPORTS WISDOM ON YOU! THE GENERAL PUBLIC! OR THE LIKE 15 PEOPLE THAT LISTEN TO US EVERY WEEK! AND DELIVER WE SHALL FOR ONE LAST TIME THIS SEASON FROM OUR STUDIO! WE WILL GUIDE YOU THROUGH THIS MATCH UP OF GARBAGE GARBAGE GARBAGE TO THE SAFE SHORES OF HILARITY ON THE BOATS OF OUR MINDS AND MOUTHS! YES! YOU WILL RIDE OUR MOUTH BOATS TONIGHT! OH MAN IS THAT GROSS SOUNDING! PLUS ALSO A HALFTIME INTERVIEW WITH THE UPRIGHT CITIZEN BRIGADE’S MOLLY LLOYD! WE TALK ABOUT IMPROV! YOU’LL LISTEN AND THINK YES AND I WANT TO HEAR MORE OF THESE GUYS TALKING! THAT WAS A REALLY BAD IMPROV JOKE! DON’T WORRY! TONIGHT’S SHOW WILL BE BETTER THAN THAT JOKE! I PROMISE! TONIGHT! 8:30PM EASTERN! FOOTBALLZ! THE SECOND TO LAST EPISODE OF THE YEAR! GET IT INNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

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