FOOTBALLZ WEEK 12! RAVENS V. SAINTS!

Suburbia

Suburbia

vs.

wow, these guys look super different outside of their uniforms

wow, these guys look super different when they aren’t in uniform!

Haterz,

WE ARE IN THE HOME STRETCH DAWGZ. We’ve held the magic eye poster that is the NFL season right up to our nose and then tried to look through it and slowly moved it back away from our face just like the instructions told us and now the secret images are becoming clear. Instead of a dolphin or a planet or whatever else is hidden in that demon art (I have never successfully seen a magic eye hidden image, I am not ashamed of this), the secret picture in this case is THE PLAYOFFS and who is in or out. This week we have two teams who are just on the edges of the poster, like right where the name of the company that makes the poster is printed. A loss tonight could send either one of these squads tumbling towards the poster for teams that aren’t making the playoffs, I can only imagine that poster to be this one, SO LET’S PREVIEW THESE DUDES:

THE BALTIMORE RAVENS are right in the middle of a very tight AFC North race with all four teams essentially tied in the standings. The Ravens’ football playing season has been, um, overshadowed by some other stuff so I haven’t really been paying attention. Also, I rarely pay attention to the Ravens because their uniforms are pretty dumb looking. Purple and black? What a snooze. Anyway, I guess they’re kind of good this year? So far their six wins have come against pretty crappy teams so who knows. They still have Joe Flacco, the greatest Blue Hen there ever was (NOW THAT’S A DAMN UNIFORM) and Steve Smith Sr. (formerly of the Panthers and also formerly just Steve Smith) who is still kind of crazy and awesome and said this before the season and delivered on it, so maybe they are not as boring as their off brand goth uniforms suggest.

THE NEW ORLEANS SAINTS are also in the thick of the playoff hunt, despite their their 4-6 record. BWUBUBWUBWWHAT? You say? How can a sub .500 team still be eyeing the playoffs? Well they play in the NFC South and the NFC South is TERRIBLE TERRIBLE TURRIBLE. The Saints are currently in first place but if they lose tonight they’d fall behind Atlanta for the top spot in the South and Atlanta is freaking awful. I’m totally into it since the last time a there was a sub .500 division winner, I had a pretty great time and I like it when weird things happen that make Peter King angry.  SO GO FOR IT SAINTS! LOSE YOUR WAY INTO THE PLAYOFFS! HAVE YOU LOST YOUR WAY? WELL LISTEN TONIGHT! TO US! AND OUR GOSPEL OF BLAH BLAH! BECAUSE FOOTBALLZ IS BACK! FEATURING AN INTERVIEW AT HALFTIME WITH RUSTUN NICHOLS, BAR MANAGER OF THE WYTHE HOTEL! WE TALK ABOUT IF IT IS POSSIBLE TO DRINK HARD LIQOUR DURING A FOOTBALL GME WITHOUT KILLING YOURSELF! PLUS A CALL FROM SPORPS PERSON AND DUDE FROM NEW ORLEANS CHRIS TREW! ALL OF THAT! TONIGHT! AT 8:30PM EASTERN! HERE AND AT THE CLASSICAL! LISTEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNN (WITHOUT PREJUDICE)!

 

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