I would rather listen to someone explain Phillip K. Dick's weird crazy religious philosophy for three hours than watch the Titans

I would rather listen to someone explain Phillip K. Dick’s weird crazy religious philosophy for three hours than watch the Titans


Every time I watch the Steelers I feel like I have some of my soul removed

Every time I watch the Steelers I feel like I have some of my soul removed


This game guys, UGH THIS GAME. We’ve had some real stinkers this season, I mean we’ve watched both terrible New York teams lose (the ugly-pantsed Giants on more than one occasion) and after last’s weeks carnival of bummer I kind of wanted to quit watching football forever. This week though, THIS WEEK, we get to watch one good team I actively dislike and one team that is so unbelievably boring that I cannot believe they actually exist. This will be one for the record books (if there are record books for the amount of times I groan audibly), BUT LET’S PREVIEW THESE JERKS ANYWAY!

THE TENNESSEE TITANS committed a crime for which I will never forgive them. Once, when everything was good and nothing hurt, they were the Houston Oilers and they had amazing uniforms, dudes who did amazing dances (it is a damn crime that there is no internet video of Ernest Givins’ electric glide dance on the internet, WHAT ARE WE NOT PAYING YOU FOR FREE CONTENT PROVIDERS?), and once employed this dude. Now they wear terrible uniforms that look like they are for a movie about football where they couldn’t get the rights to use actual teams and are the boringest, though they do still have some great names on the team, I mean look at this. They are super mediocre at best and a crime against sport at worst, I would actively dislike them but they are so boring that sometimes I forget the exist. They are the bowling alley pizza of the NFL, it’s pizza but seriously, YOU SHOULD NOT EAT IT.

THE PITTSBURGH STEELERS are playing on television again, greeeeeeaaaaattttttttttttttttt. Man, how many times do we have to watch these dudes? I’m super sick of talking about them so I guess you can go back to week six and read what I had to say last time but instead of all that stuff about how maybe they were bad replace it with how they are less bad now. The Steelers sit 6-4 in the middle of the AFC North playoff “race”, I put race in quotes cause right now it is a race in the way this is a race, somebody will win but it’ll only be because somebody else ran into a pole and everyone will be aghast at the result. So yeah, they’re kind of good now, they score a lot of points and have good players and blah blah blah, they did lose to the Jets last week so I guess anything is possible. I’m sure this game between a team who a regular person cannot name one player for and a team that is maybe kind of good will make for gripping television. BUT THAT’S WHY WE ARE HERE! TO MAKE THE UNGRIPPING GRIPPING! AND WE WILL GRIP ALL OVER YOU! TONIGHT! AT 8:30PM! FEEL OUR WORD GRIP ON YOUR EARS AS WE THRASH YOU ABOUT WITH HILARITY! AND NOT JUST US! NOOOOOOOOOO! WE’VE GOT A HALFTIME INTERVIEW WITH JOURNALIST EUGENIA WILLIAMSON! WE TALK ABOUT THE STRUGGLES WITH TECHNOLOGY WHILE I STRUGGLE WITH THE TECHNOLOGY OF MY SLOWLY FAILING COMPUTER! THEN IN THE FOURTH QUARTER A CALL FROM YARON WEITZMAN OF TD DAILY! WHICH IS NOT THE WEB COLLABORATION BETWEEN ME AND MY ONE TRUE LOVE EG DAILY! WE’RE TOTALLY STILL LOOKING FOR THE RIGHT URL FOR THAT! SO IF THERE ARE ANY MARKETING DUDES LISTENING TONIGHT SEND ALONG SUGGESTIONS! OR JUST LISTEN! BE FOOTBALLZ IS BAAAAAAAAAACCCCCKKKKKKKK!


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