any time I can make a slight Mekons refernce I will

I’ll make a Mekons reference any chance I get


WEEK TEN IS UPON US! The end of the season draws near and teams are starting to look like contenders or pretenders or at least that is what they’re saying on television, I really hope that no one is actually pretending to play football (although if you’ve watched The Raiders this year you might start to wonder (BURN!)). I WOULD LOVE IT if someone was pretending to do something else while playing football, like in their head every football play is a step in a cake recipe that will be done at the end of the game or that they’re pretending to attend the Malta Conference as Winston Churchill while playing free safety, THIS WOULD BE AMAZING. PLEASE NFL PLAYERS, START PRETENDING! And now let me pretend to know anything about these teams.

THE CAROLINA PANTHERS are not playing very well right now, last year’s 12-5 season and run to the playoffs seems like a dream as wonderful as this gif of their head coach’s gambling ways. Right now though this team is depleted on offense (by their own hand) and their defense is not the frightening sack festival that it was last year (this might be due to one of the players from that defense being kind of a crazy person who should not be allowed to play sports anymore because he should be in jail). They do still have Cam Newton and he is pretty good and they also have rookie wide receiver Kelvin Benjamin and he is awesome so maybe those guys can do something cool while we watch?

THE PHILADELPHIA EAGLES have given us all a gift, due to starting quarterback Nick Foles’s broken collar bone, they will be starting the one and only Mark Sanchez. Now I’ll leave this here in case you forgot, but previous Sanchez appearances in football games have been at the least amusing but at best indelibly hilarious. His appearance also gives us all a chance to see how good of a coach Chip Kelly is. People have been bullish on Chip’s offensive philosophy and have said that nearly any quarterback could run it, we now have that “any quarterback” in the man formally known as the Sanchize so if you are into things being proven (which I still think is kind of impossible in football because of the tiny sample size offered in one season and the turnover on rosters from year to year) THIS IS THE GAME FOR YOU! AND WE ARE THE TEAM FOR YOU TO LISTEN TO! TONIGHT! WE WILL PROVE THAT WE KNOW ALMOST NOTHING! BUT IT IS THE BEST KIND OF NOTHING! THE KIND THAT PRODUCES DUMB BS! BUT THE GOOD KIND OF BS! THE HAHA BS! AND THAT’S WHAT YOU WANT RIGHT? TO LIVE! TO LOVE! TO LAUGH! TO NIGHT! AT 8:30PM EASTERN! FOOTBALLZ RETURNS!

Comments are closed.