FOOTBALLZ WEEK FOUR! PATS V. CHIEFS!

TRUE PATRIOTS

TRUE PATRIOTS

vs.

THIS DUDE LOVES THE TV SHOW COACH

THIS DUDE LOVES THE TV SHOW COACH

Dudes,

So my baseball season ended yesterday (other people wrote about this better) and oh boy was it a BUMMER. It got me thinking why do we even care? Why bother? Why not let people who boringly deride “sportballs” on social media be right? Why, during this bleakest of NFL seasons as we await a bag of dicks in a suit’s possible resignation and replacement with a slightly less full bag of dicks in a suit (or maybe Condi Rice, which would be a great idea because the last time she was involved in a big enterprise she totally didn’t make up information to suit the company’s needs), do we still watch? But then, as I walked down my street, slightly drunk and listening to a particularly stirring Queen song, I was happy. Happy to be sad, happy to be able to feel things, happy to know that fellow humans felt the same way, happy to be able to express those things. Sports can be stupid and wasteful and dangerous and the business of it can be crushing but the chance to feel things outside ourselves, to feel joy and sadness in the collective acts of others, to share that joy and sadness openly with other people, that is pretty amazing. WHEW, THINGS GOT HEAVY IN THE KITCHEN (where, for some reason, across many apartments, I’ve always written these things) THIS MORNING! Enough feelings now, let’s preview tonight’s game!

THE NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS may finally be in true decline, whatever deal gross tongue kisser/person to be portrayed by Andy Serkis in a movie/head coach Bill Belichick struck with whatever devil to allow the Patriots to be successful for so long may finally be coming due. The team has not looked good this season, Tom Brady is in certain decline and the team’s inability to draft a single position player of talent that is not injury/murder indictment-prone has hamstrung the offense. Just last week they were a bounce away from a home loss to the very very terrible at football Oakland Raiders. I will say this kind of stuff gets written every year and somehow, probably through witchcraft or something, the Pats end up winning 11 games. Could this year be different? (why am I asking so many questions in this preview?) WHO KNOWS? Certainly not me, I barely even watched football yesterday, I was at the spa.

THE KANSAS CITY CHIEFS will not be as good this year as they were last year, it is known, but they are probably not as bad as people think because things are never as good or bad as people think, brains are weird like that. I honestly don’t really care about anybody on this team but their coach, Andy Reid, is delightful when happy. You can’t help but enjoy a jolly fat man in red. The Chiefs have one really good player, running back Jamaal Charles, that they sometimes forget about and a defense that’s pretty decent, but other than that THESE GUYS ARE A SNOOZE! BUT YOU KNOW WHO WON’T BE! US! TONIGHT! AT 8:30PM EASTERN! ON THIS WEBSITE! AND THE CLASSICAL.ORG! YOU KNOW THE DRILLY! I’LL TOTALLY TALK ABOUT MY SPA DAY! IT WAS AMAZING! STEAM ROOMS RULE! I COULD HAVE DONE WITHOUT THE LADY WHO WAS GIVING ME A MASSAGE MAKING THAT SOUND YOU MAKE WHEN YOU READ SOMETHING SLIGHTLY AMUSING ON YOUR COMPUTER EVERY COUPLE OF MINUTES WHILE SHE TOUCHED MY BODY! I’M GUESSING (HOPING!) IT WAS JUST A TIC THAT SHE HAS BUT WHO CAN SAY? NOT OUR AMAZING GUESTS TONIGHT! WHO ARE THEY YOU ASK? WELL, AT HALFTIME WE WILL HAVE AN INTERVIEW WITH LONGTIME FRIEND OF THE PROGRAM GREGG GETHARD! MAYBE HE WILL TALK ABOUT HIS RECENT YELP RELATED FAME! I DON’T KNOW BECAUSE MAC DID THIS INTERVIEW! AND IN THE SECOND HALF WE’LL HAVE ILLUSTRATOR AARON DANA IN THE STUDIO! HE DREW OUR FACES! SCROLL UP TO SEE THEM! I WILL PROBABLY ASK HIM WHO’S FACE WAS HARDER TO DRAW! AND TRY NOT TO INSULT HIM FOR DOING SUCH AN AMAZING JOB! BUT I HAVE WEIRD ISSUES ABOUT MY FACE! SO MAYBE I WILL ACCIDENTALLY INSULT HIM! JEEZ, I REALLY HOPE NOT! WE’LL ALL SEE (ACTUALLY HEAR) TONIGHT! AT 8:30PM!

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