FOOTBALLZ HANDMADE GIFT GUIDE! PT. 2 THE NORTH!

Crewcut Santa

Crewcut Santa

DUDES, we have only scratched the surface of NFL/craft crossover (not to be confused with the NFL/Kraft crossover) so we’re back to give you all the best gifts for the fans in your life that like the teams from the AFC/NFC North Divisions (SYNTAX PARTY!). If you guys were wondering what’s on my personal gift list (a side note, adults who send out gift lists should be forced to wear footie pajamas while they open their gifts (which, unfortunately, those people would probably be into)) WONDER NO LONGER. I want either this science robot so I can crush my enemies/create my own personal Cletus or this super cool art because I love to indulge the artistic temperaments of the kids that liked to pull the wings off of flies. BUT ENOUGH ABOUT ME LET’S GET BACK TO THE GIFTS YOU ARE DEF GOING TO GIVE TO THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE/HATE (please click on photos to go to their respective Etsy pages):

THE PITTSBURGH STEELERS are one of my least favorite teams and if like them you should get absolute garbage which is good because there is so much garbage out there that I can post two trash gifts to give so enjoy this “cell phone holder” (pair of bean bags) and “plastic bag holder” (incorrectly constructed boxer shorts):

now all of your hippy dolls have chairs to sit in

now all of your hippy dolls have chairs to sit in

steelers2

If you need a “plastic bag holder” YOU HAVE TOO MANY PLASTIC BAGS, perhaps a better gift for you would be a visit from the producers of Hoarders?

BALTIMORE can be a pretty sad town but they have things that they love so so much, like drugs or Dan Deacon, but above all else they apparently love crabs and Ray Lewis. So that RAVENS fan out there should totally get this pean to an accused murderer and sea cockroaches:

good for telling people you like garbage or murder!

good for telling people you like garbage or murder!

The people who love the CINCINNATI BENGALS love the most horrific uniforms in all of pro football so there is nothing more appropriate than the single more puzzling piece of art that I’ve come across during this whole journey to the center of the knitted earth:

Yeah, that's two butts in one painting.

Yeah, that’s two butts in one painting.

THE CLEVELAND BROWNS are indeed the saddest, they’re self proclaimed Sadness Factory, so this need no introduction:

comes with this free song

comes with this free song

THE CHICAGO BEARS are a proud franchise and nothing says pride like a wooden troll who looks like he has to pee:

I'd be concerned too if I had no torso

I’d be concerned too if I had no torso

We here at FOOTBALLZ love assigning things to children who don’t have any real choice in the matter so what better gift to a group of people who’s cultural identity is tied almost exclusively to football, GREEN BAY PACKERS fans, that a chance to pass on a legacy of hate to a new generation:

also the needlework is weak

also the needlework is weak

THE DETROIT LIONS have a lot of sad memories, why not get them a framed version of one of them:

this is just like those photos of run down buildings in Detroit

this is just like those photos of run down buildings in Detroit

The world of crafting is filled with certain signifiers, cliches that cannot be stopped. Usually they’re just one or possibly two per project but this gift for you favorite Minnesota Vikings manages to jam “making something out of a record”, “a skull”, and “making something in to a clock” together to present this Frankencraft Monster:

The skull of Jerry Lewis will haunt your wall clock FOREVER!

The skull of Jerry Lewis will haunt your wall clock FOREVER!

 

That’s it for the Northern divisions, we’ll be back next week with the Souths (can you say that?) and Wests and even more handmade hijinx!

AND REMEMBER, this Monday is the last FOOTBALLZ of the season so if you want to hear our sweet sweet voices BE SURE TO TUNE IN MONDAY AT 8:30PM!

 

 

Comments are closed.