FOOTBALLZ WEEK 12! NINERS V. WASHINGTON AMERICAN FOOTBALL CLUB!

unlike the football team, I like these 49ers

unlike the football team, I like these 49ers

vs.

yes, this again

yes, this again

PHOTO POSERS

Oh man, last week was sooooooo much fun! It was great to see all you weirdos! Everybody was super awesome and gave us great live chat questions and now my microphone has a name that I have to say all the time that I can’t remember right now but is written on a piece of paper in the studio (so don’t worry Gretchen). ALL IN ALL IT WAS FANTASTIC and we want to thank both our host Middlesex Lounge and our guest Ryan Walsh for being A+++++++++ and would do business again. This week we return to our cold lonely studio to talk about a game that will most likely be a blowout between teams that are deplorable for totally different reasons, FOOTBALL!

THE SAN FRANCISCO FORTY-NINERS are my least favorite team in football that plays in one of my least favorite cities in the world (I will grant that the food there is amazing but this is basically the city that invented Burning Man and there are not enough “rad” burritos in the world that can erase that crime). The Niners are led by an overwrought ninny who whines like a baby when things don’t go his way (as a Seahawks fan who is still irate about Super Bowl XL, I know a whiny baby when I see one) and followed by a fanbase that does the same, so in closing THEY ARE THE WORST (some personal anecdotal evidence, a couple weeks ago I was at a sports bar wearing my traditional Sunday sports hat (not this one, that’s my traditional Sunday non-sports hat) displaying my Seahawks fannery among groups of all sorts of fans. We were all enjoying the Sunday and the fellowship of watching rich dudes hurt themselves for our pleasure respectfully. Nobody talking shit, mothers’ reputations remaining unsullied, just good clean fun. Then a real dummy in a Niners hat walks into the bar looking like microwaved garbage as they are want to do, see’s my cap, looks at me, and goes “nineeerrrrsss” as he walks by, SEE THESE PEOPLE ARE TURDS)! Also this photo makes it look like their QB makes it with a turtle WHICH I GUESS IS HOW THEY DO THINGS OUT THERE. Also their new stadium (which is, oh boy, almost 50 miles from actual San Francisco, real cool dudes) has killed two people already, SO THEY ARE BASICALLY MURDERERS. I hope they lose by all of the points (but they probably won’t).

THE WASHINGTON AMERICAN FOOTBALL CLUB are very very bad this year. Last year’s delicious milk of winning (winning people drink milk right? Like race car dudes or something?) has curdled into a lumpy mess of sour smelling sad losses at the back of their team fridge. Their defense is indeed hot garbage, which is sad since one of the dudes thought to be a cornerstone has finally stopped torturing that caveman (one would hate to think that he built his success on the back of cro magnon bullying). Their one time superstar (and human Subway advertisement) RGIII’s leadership is being questioned (allow me if you will a hotsportstake, why is it that when a quarterback’s leadership or maturity is questioned it is usually a black dude? Eli Manning has been a pile of poop this year and nobody is crowing about his body language or need to “step up”) and what was once the most promising of careers may already be foundering. All in all a terrible year for a proud franchise WHO’S NAME IS TOTALLY RACIST AND UNTIL THEY CHANGE IT SHOULD BE CURSED TO LOSING (this case may take it out of their hands anyway, once they can’t make money on it I bet those dicks drop the name like a hot rock and credit it to some sort of realization about the insensitivity of the whole thing). BUT TONIGHT! WE WILL NOT BE CURSED! UNLESS YOU COUNT MAKING FUNNY HA HA TIME OR LISTENING TO FUNNY HA HA TIME A CURSE! MAYBE IF THAT WAS ALL THERE WAS! LIKE WE’D ONLY MAKE JOKES FOREVER AND YOU’D JUST LAUGH FOREVER! LIKE THAT MOVIE “GYPSY HATES FAT DUDE“! THAT’S WHAT IT’S CALLED RIGHT? ANYWAY THE CURSE WILL BE ON ANYONE WHO DOESN’T LISTEN TO FOOTBALLZ THIS WEEK! WE HAVE TWO AWESOME GUESTS! WMBR/SOMERVILLE SPEAKOUT HOST PATRICK BRYANT WILL JOIN US IN STUDIO! AND JASON HIRSCHHORN OF ACME PACKING COMPANY (DON’T WORRY, IT’S A GREEN BAY PACKERS BLOG NOT, LIKE, A MOVING COMPANY OR SOMETHING) WILL CALL IN AND PROBABLY BE VERY SAD ABOUT SCOTT TOLZIEN! AND THE RETURN OF THE RACIST JAR! SO MUCH TO LISTEN TO! SO MUCH ENJOYMENT! 8:30PM! EASTERN! TONIGHT! FOOOOOTTTBBBBAAALLLLZZZZZZZZZZ!

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