FOOTBALLZ WEEK 11! PATS V. CATS! THIS ONE IS LIIIIIIVVVVVEEEEE!!!!!!

IF YOU GET THIS YOU ARE OLD

IF YOU GET THIS YOU ARE OLD

vs.

IF YOU GET THIS YOU ARE ALSO OLD AND A NERD

IF YOU GET THIS YOU ARE ALSO OLD

TERRIBLE TOASTERS

HOLY MOLY THIS WEEK! This week is super special guys (not that every week that week get bleep in your beautiful ears is not super special, I suppose this week is super super special) since it is our first-ish live in a place that you can come to provided you are 21+ version of FOOTBALLZ ever (we tried this once the first year we did this show and it was not the best thing but it did more or less net one of us a girlfriend (not to imply that girlfriends are like fish or dolphins that can be caught in nets, unless they are like mermaids or something))! HERE IS MORE INFORMATION YOU DONGLES, we’d love to see all of your faces staring back at us in horror as you realize that yes we do really look like that. There will be lots of fun things, like guests (Ryan Walsh of this band will be there talking), and beer, and other alcoholic drinks for purchase, and probably some audience participation nonsense (you can create a drinking game for every time I screw up a musical cue or you can just choose not to end up a drunken mess by the end of the night). This should also be a pretty good game as the New England Patriots travel to Charlotte  to play the suddenly surging Carolina Pathers (which is more than I can say for their expansion buddies the Jacksonville Jaguars, who finally got their first win. At least Jacksonville has this musuem to keep their fan’s spirit’s up (hopefully said fans don’t die laughing at the name of the museum as I almost did (seriously this WHOLE PREVIEW could just be about the hilarity that I just enjoyed reading up on this place, I MEAN COME ON (no pun intended, for realz)))), marking the first time we’ve had two good teams playing each other in about a bazillion years (yes, the Bears/Packers game was good on paper but anything that ends up being a QB matchup of Seneca Wallace and a McCown brother cannot be called “good” unless you are related to one of those dudes). SO LET’S PREVIEW THESE WANGS.

THE NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS are dicks, sorry everybody. Well, not all of them (who can say what a Kembrell Thompkins is like, it sounds like the name of the dude that sends me spam emails), but at least the two dudes who have been the architects of their sustained success in the last decade or so, Tom Brady and Bill Belichick, are total dicks. Brady, once thought to be a feel good story of a late round pick becoming a star, has spent most of the season yelling at people (don’t worry, his wife is into it) which added to the crimes of leaving his pregnant girlfriend and being really into Uggs makes Brady out to be kind of a turd (then again he did make this face and that is awesome). As for Belichick, he is for sure a wife stealer and a total bore but I’m not sure I agree that he is a double agent (he does seem like the kind of dude that would do this though). That being said the Patriots machine has seemed to falter a little bit these days whether it be due to injury, defection, or other. Let’s see if they can keep it together.

THE CAROLINA PANTHERS are getting to be pretty good, after a slow start to their season they have run off a 5 game winning streak and gotten the citizens of Carolina (I suppose they represent all of them?) dreaming of a deep playoff run. This streak has certainly saved the job of embattled coach Ron Rivera (who has gone from super fire-able to folk hero) and has finally stopped the inane conversations about Cam Newton’s body language (which should be the name of either his Prince cover band or his workout tape). The streaks real author’s have been the teams front seven, lead by the almost all awesomenly named combination of Kawann Short, Star Lotulelei, Luke Kuechly, Greg Hardy, and Charles Johnson (seriously Charles, can you get a weird extra vowel in there or make the H in your first name silent of something?).  These dudes have been crumpling people into little balls all season long and will look to do the same tonight. TONIGHT I SAID! WE RETURN! AND YOU HAVE A CHANCE TO WATCH! OR JUST LISTEN LIKE REGULAR! IT’LL BE AWESOME EITHER WAY! BUT IF YOU SHOW UP YOU MAY HAVE THE CHANCE TO NAME A PIECE OF FOOTBALLZ EQUIPMENT (NOT LIKE THAT YOU PERVS)! OR WIN ANOTHER PRIZE OR SOMETHING! AND GET TO SEE THE FANTASTICALLY HANDSOME RYAN WALSH OF HALLELUJAH THE HILLS TALK ABOUT A SPORT HE KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT! SO COME BY IN PERSON OR ONLINE! 8PM IN PERSON 8:30 ONLINE! FOOTBALLZ!

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