THROW LIKE A GIRL: Food That’s Made For Throwing

a young Gene Shalit

a young Gene Shalit

by Deborah

what was i thinking? marinated eggplant as football food? maybe, at a kennedy center football party . but for real america, i should probably bring it back to the basics. to the kind of food you want to snack on while watching action or trying to get action: popcorn. i assume it’s popular because people want something they know they can throw at the screen if necessary.

but there’s some pretty interesting stuff about popcorn too:

  • there’s the world’s largest popcorn ball, not shockingly found in indiana (home of popcorn godfather orville redenbacher). perhaps shocking that it includes over 5,000 lbs of syrup used as glue.
  • you can always eat yourself into popcorn lung to become a millionaire
  • or read up for an incredibly detailed history of why popcorn is so great, as only our nation’s museum could bother to detail.
  • plus there are all these thrilling facts about popcorn, although i got distracted well before the bottom of the page.

that being said, why read about popcorn when you can eat it? and you’ll definitely want to eat it if you put the right shit on top of it. i recommend kettle corn, caramel corn, of course the epicurious version of popcorn, and even smartfood popcorn. but the best stuff is when you put on our family flavors. here goes……

instructions for making popcorn:

  1. put a couple tablespoons of vegetable oil in a wok with a few popcorn kernels. turn your stove on medium to medium-high heat, put the lid on, and wait for the kernels to pop. now your oil is hot enough.
  2. put 1/3 cup of popcorn kernels in the wok, again covering the lid (otherwise oops). gently shake your wok with some frequency, so the kernels cook evenly. keep heating them until the popping slows down and a few seconds pass without any popping.
  3. pour the popcorn into a bowl. pour a couple tablespoons of melted butter into the same bowl and mix it all up. now flavors will stick to your popcorn.
  4. time for the flavors, which you keep adding (a teaspoon each?) until you think you have enough of that flavor then move on to the next one and then mix everything up:
    • smoked paprika. learn all about it. we eat way too much smoked paprika in my house, because my husband thinks it makes absolutely every dish taste better. while i prefer my chocolate milk, cereal, and ice cream without smoked paprika, my husband is actually right in the case of popcorn.
    • garlic powder. i recommend getting free garlic powder by losing contests at (friends of footballz) union square roundtable events, while making sure that the winner would rather get felt up in public than be given freshly grown farm products. but i suppose not everyone can be that lucky. too bad for you.
    • parmesan cheese, shredded finely (insert product endorsement for microplane here). you can always use more of this than the other stuff, because cheese is always good.
    • a little black pepper. for good measure.
  5. yum yum.

until next time, enjoy your popcorn and bullying.

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