FOOTBALLZ WEEK 9! BEARS V. PACKERS!

Too crass?

Too crass?

vs.

not crass at all AND BELIEVE ME THERE WERE LOTS OF CHOICES

not crass at all AND BELIEVE ME THERE WERE LOTS OF CHOICES

CHAMPIONS

WOOOHOOOOOOOOO WE WON! WE FINALLY DID IT! YAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY! FINALLY! God, I thought baseball season would never end. What you can say about a sport where the best argument for it is that it sounds good in the background? A sport that has a huge problem with performance enhancing drugs but still has players that look like this, IS CAKE ONE OF THOSE PERFORMANCE ENHANCING DRUGS? A sport that is so joyless that even its participants are all about people not having fun? Let’s get back to our favorite game where people may have unwittingly been destroying their brains for years! This week we have two teams that have been in the brain destroying biz for almost as long as anyone!

THE CHICAGO BEARS have a proud history that Chicagoens sure are able to remind people about. They were known for their defense and now tha- AH I CAN’T DO IT! I’M TOO DISTRAUGHT! This week Tom Scharpling announced that he would be ending his long running and beloved Best Show On WFMU in December and between that and Lou Reed dying THE WORLD IS BUMMING ME OUT! The Best Show was the first podcast I ever listened to and is a major influence on us over here at FOOTBALLZ. Tom and his cohort Jon Wurster are amazing and have gotten me through numerous dark times in my life (I really owe them my sanity, discovering The Best Show is the only thing that got me through my temping years). Though I’m happy that they are going out on their own terms and appreciate all the hard work they’ve done over the years for no pay whatsoever IT STILL STINKS. I was even sentimental enough to read a Buzzfeed listicle. Get familiar before it’s gone (I mean, those archives will be there for a long time but now is as good a time to check it out dum dums). ANYWAY The Bears have a good offense and a bad defense which is a switch from how its used to be but I suppose that how they do things in Canada. That offense may be out of sync since it’ll be missing Smoking Jay Cutler (does that ever not need to be linked to?), so who knows what will happen with a McCown (I forget which member of the bizarro Mannings plays for whom at this point) at the helm. BLERG.

THE GREEN BAY PACKERS are also a storied franchise though they have no quarterback problems as they have the awesome at quarterbacking but very poor at flight booking (would you rather read the commercial or watch it? THAT LINK GIVES YOU THE CHOICE TO DO EITHER. In reality, neither is the best choice because to watch it to buy with your brain.) Aaron Rodgers. Unfortunately Rodgers best targets have been laid low by injury (including a particularly scary injury to Jermichael Finley, click only if you feel like you are too happy about life or are a horrible monster), fortunately Rodgers seems to maintain his high level of play despite this, leading the Packers to at 5-2 record (in investigating the Packers this week it came to light that their web presence features a poll that determines what song gets played at the game (are they only allowed to play one song all game? Is this what Scott Walker had to cut funding for to pay for his tax cut for people who own land (POLITICALBALLZ)? Will they play the whole thing all at once or spread it out through the entire contest in song chapters? I AM PUZZLED BY THIS). I voted (for whom I will not tell) and it was revealed that this song is the people’s choice. Now I do not know this song and I could only get through half the video but it seems like it’s about some dudes who go to a connivence store that turns out to be a murder brothel in the back where they make you drink poison and then do you Hostel style. If this is so, DAMNNNNNNNNNNNNN PACKERS FANS YOU RAW, but I’m sorry Halloween already happened (shout out to the multiple dudes who dressed as vatos at my bar Thursday Night. Super cool outfits guys, way to be insensitive to both race and economic hardships, Mexican is totally my favorite food and costume (RACEBALLZ)!)). Their defense will also be missing noted pass rusher/hair haver Clay Matthews so there is that. BUT YOU KNOW WHICH TEAM WILL NOT BE MISSING ANYTHING! UNLESS IT HAPPENS WHEN WE ARE NOT LOOKING AT THE SCREEN! LIKE IF WE’RE BING-ING SOMETHING! OR JUST LIKE LOOKING AT OUR FEET BECAUSE WE ARE ASHAMED, ALWAYS ASHAMED! OR WHEN WE ARE LOOKING THE WORNG PART OF THE SCREEN OR WHATEVER! US! THAT IS THE TEAM! BECAUSE FOOTBALLZ IS BACK! TONIGHT! 8:30PM EASTERN! WITH IN STUDIO GUEST, FUNNYPERSON AND WISCONSIN NATIVE BEN DRYER! UNFORTUNATELY HE DOES NOT OWN THIS BEN DRYER TWITTER ACCOUNT BECAUSE THAT SHIT IS GOLD! BUT HE DOES OWN A MOUTH THAT WILL BE USED TO MAKE FUNNY COMMENTS (BY HIM)! OUR HALFTIME GUEST IS A LITTLE UP N THE AIR! SO WHO KNOWS! BUT WE KNOWZ THAT FOOTBALLZ STARTS AT 8:30 PM! TONIGHT!  FOOOOOTTTTBBBBBAAAAALLLLLZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Comments are closed.