FOOTBALLZ WEEK 4! DOLPHINS V. SAINTS!

someone on the FOOTBALLZ broadcast team has this tattoo

someone on the FOOTBALLZ broadcast team has this tattoo

vs.

HOW CAN I GET ONE OF THOSE HATS?

HOW CAN I GET ONE OF THOSE HATS?

NASCAR DRIVERS,

ALL RIGHT! This week we finally have a game worth watching, the last couple of weeks have been STINKERS, ugh, man, those were real bummers (I’m still trying to wash my brain of the Raiders). The Miami Dolphins and the New Orleans Saints are two undefeated teams and should provide a contest that will not leave us rolling our eyes and you listening to us roll our eyes (it sounds like this). THIS WILL BE A GOOD ONE GUYS SO STRAP IN FOR SOME HOT PIGSKIN ACTION (googling that doesn’t bring on as much gross stuff as I thought but the fifth result of the search is weirdly this).

The Miami Dolphins are a surprise 3-0 for the first time in 11 years and they are doing it on the strength of their defense, the improvement of second year quarterback Ryan Tannehill, and in some snazzy new uniforms. They have also replaced their old logo of an angry dolphin wearing the helmet of some team that has an M for their logo (the fan of recursiveness in me was always pissed that the dolphin was not wearing a helmet with the logo that he was in ad infinitum) for this less cute snoozer. I think there should be more cartooning in football but hey I guess design majors have to work (and sports logos are an easy attention getter). With the new outfits and shiny 3-0 record the Dolphins must be feeling pretty good but none of us should worry, they aren’t as smart as people think.

The New Orleans Saints are less of a surprise at 3-0, this team more or less is the same it was two years ago before this whole kerfuffle that detonated their campaign last season. Their head coach, Sean Payton, is back on the sidelines after spending his suspended year perfecting his Zoolander impersonation and has returned the Drew Brees run offense to it’s place as one of the best in the league. The defense has improved too under the tutelage of poor unemployment estimator/alcoholic folk hero/Wolfman Jack look-a-like Rob Ryan. The Saints boast one of the best tight ends not currently being arraigned on murder charges in goofy looking ginger Jimmy Graham so look for Brees to connect with him while fighting off an aggressive Dolphin pass rush (which unfortunately will be missing the awesomely named especially for a team with water to closely associated with it Cameron Wake). BUT TONIGHT WE WILL NOT BE UNFORTUNATELY MISSING ANYONE! OR ANYTHING! AS WE TRAIN OUR GIMLET EYES (BECAUSE WE SOAK THEM IN GIMLETS BEFORE EVERY GAME) ON TONIGHTS GAME! AND THEN TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT WITH OUR GIMLET MOUTHS (BECAUSE THEY ARE FILLED WITH GIMLETS, PLEASE DO NOT GIVE YOURSELF GIMLET EAR BEFORE THE GAME JUST BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT IT WAS APPROPRIATE, ALCOHOL IS ONLY MEANT FOR THE MOUTH AND OCCASIONALLY THE BUTT)! ALSO PLEASE DO NOT MISTAKE OUR GIMLET EYES FOR GIMLI EYES! WE LEFT THOSE BEHIND WHEN WE GAVE AWAY OUR COPIES THE SILMARILLION! SO TONIGHT! AT 8:30PM EASTERN! WE RETURN! WITH LIVE HALFTIME CALL IN GUEST CHRIS TREW! AND IN STUDIO GUEST NICK BRANIGAN! PLUS A POSSIBLE FOURTH QUARTER POLL THEME SONG!!!!!!!!!!!! RIGHT HERE (BUT NOT RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW) AT FOOTBALLZ.ORG!

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