THROW LIKE A GIRL: And Follow Directions

Cowzilla

Cowzilla

By Deborah

For those of you devoted ThrowLikeAGirl fans out there who also engage in the weekly fourth quarter polls, I’m embarrassed that you caught me making fish. I’d like to point out I had already eaten a real meal that centered on real meat. Because, as I pointed out last week, I know I have to be the manly one in my relationship and bring the meat to party. And we all know that fish is not a real meat, which is why so many vegetarians somehow think that it doesn’t even count if they eat fish. While the internet rages with debates about the meat-status of fish (debate summarized), I’ll stick with the meat that you think of when you hear the word meat.  Big fat flesh. COW.

Steak is a pretty amazing food. When cooked right, even the simplest of steaks is a burst of flavor and textural brilliance. And grilling, long associated with football (leading to the evolution of this treat), is a great tool for making this happen. Cooked with a slight outer crispness and inner bloody juiciness, steak just makes you realize the joys of being a carnivore. Nothing is better than using your teeth to rip through the flesh of something that used to weigh 1,600 lbs. What recipe could build upon the perfection of the simple steak? I’ll tell you!

This one can: Grilled Flank Steak with Rosemary. Badly named though, because the joys of this come through the honey, garlic, and soy — all the unmentioned ingredients in this fancy pants Epicurious recipe. Okay, stage set. Let’s talk about making this.

First, I hope your grill is still good for grilling now that we’ve crossed over from summer into fall. 1A, I hope you have a big green egg because they look great and my friend can make great smoked trout in them. 1B, he’s also a friend of Footballz. But not to digress. Make sure you’re willing to cook outside before you get started, so when the time comes, you can just light your stupid grill.

Second, follow directions (Thanks stranger for adding Dvorak to my keyboard. I love that this last sentence looked like this before I figured out what was going on: O.jrbew urnnr, ecp.jycrbo). Epicurious tells you to mix all the ingredients together. That’s not very hard. 2A, don’t forget the honey. Use your favorite honey varietal available at your local honey store. The beauty of this is the hint of caramelization that it brings to the table. 2B, garlic, obviously.  2C, maybe ignore the recommendation to do this in a glass baking dish. Throwing it in a plastic bag is better, because then you’ll throw the steak in too and it’s easy to handle.

(My computer restated it’s love for Dvorak, so if you want to read this, use the Dvorak translator and you can get the special secrets. Just put the text in here.)  Ydcpew lgy frgp e.ncjrgow hgcjf oy.at cbyr yd. xai yday co ucnn.e ,cyd frgp ol.jcan cbip.ec.byov Cu frg ap. layc.byw frg odrgne rjjaocrbannf ygpb yd. xai rk.p abe mcq ydcbio aprgbe or yd. unakrp ir.o .k.pf,d.p.v Cu frg er ydcow frg odrgne anor p.upci.pay. yd. xai or cy er.ob-y olrcnv Cu frg lgy ydco ann yri.yd.p bry yrr nrbi x.urp. yd. urryaxnn iam.o oyapyow frg erb-y b..e yr er ydco urp 2 drgpov Cboy.aew hgoy erb-y ecojape ann yd. mapcbae.v Jrrt cy pcidy rb yd. oy.at!

Fourth, cook it however much you like it, but hopefully not too long. What’s the point of overcooked steak? Hint: THERE IS NONE.

That’s it. And trust me that I stand behind this recipe. I fed it to 100 people one day.

 

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